do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
