Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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