Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
