Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
