dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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