I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
