my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
