she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
