you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize