My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
