So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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