There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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