She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
