i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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