Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
