Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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