The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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