You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize