so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
