I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
