No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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