I just cut my nipple shaving
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
