This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
