I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
