I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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