i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
