Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
