There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
