she was so not down for the gang bang
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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