You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
