And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
