not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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