Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
