We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
