we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's just like the Real World with babies
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
