I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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