We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
