it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize