I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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