I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
