I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
