...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
