were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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