I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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