im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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