I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
