we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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