Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I smell stomach acid.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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