My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
