it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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