nut hugger
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Text me some of your sweat
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