5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
