I wish I could punch you in the face.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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