sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
