YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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