The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
