i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
