She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
