At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can i not drive my cunt home
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
