I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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