We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize