Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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