I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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