He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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