my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
