in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
