tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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