Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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