Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
