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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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