who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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