Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
