He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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